New Admin with a Bombshell….

It is the Friday before our workshop weeks begins and things are insane already….

Last spring we were told (the beginning of May) that our principal would be resigning for a new job, a few weeks later we found out our vice principal was going to retire a year early. On top of that, the district had just hired a new superintendent for the next year because ours would be retiring at the end of June. This rocked our boats. The school that I work at is a VERY tradition orientated school and a place where family is everything. Our principal and vice principal were clear to me when I was hired that family comes first and building relationships with kiddos is more important than test scores. (Their philosophy was that if you give the kids a positive fun environment where they feel loved, their test scores will reflect that and it did.) Hearing that they were leaving, the same year as the superintendent, was a shock that sparked anxiety for the changes to come.

Fast forward to yesterday and a week before workshop begins. My team and I are sitting in a planning meeting getting logistics planned for the new year. We are doing something totally new this year (that was approved by our principal last year.) There are 4 of us on my team (9 total 3rd grade teachers) so we are going to do a 4-way switch between our 4 classes. 3 teachers did this last year but one left to go to 4th grade so myself and another teacher are going to join in on the fun. The way we proposed our switch to our last principal was that we would do 4 45 minute switches during the day. We would split all of the kiddos into 4 math leveled groups so we would have the high of the high together and group down from there. This would allow us to have super differentiated instruction for every kid. I would be teaching reading while the other 3 would teach math, science/social, and writing/math review. During our meeting, which lasted 3 hours, our new principal walked in to talk with us. I hadn’t met him yet so it was very scary to see him in person. He knew what we were doing and told us it was good to see us planning together.

We left the meeting having everything planned out. We had our 4 groups made based on their 2nd grade spring test scores, we had our first 2 days all planned out on how we would get our kids ready to start the switches, and we had a good idea on what the first few months of school would look like in each switch. What I learned is that, in order for this to work, we all have to be on the same page. I left feeling super overwhelmed but also extremely excited! I love teaching reading because I want to instill the love for reading in my students. What I didn’t know is that my anxieties would only increase within 24 hours.

This year I’m in a brand new room so I went in early this morning to get all of my busy work done. I left feeling confident I was ready for Monday’s meetings and for the craziness to begin. Then the bombshell. At 1:50 this afternoon we got an email from our new principal…..the numbers of our upcoming 3rd grade class is low (which they knew last year) and a 4th grade teacher has just resigned. That being said, they will be dropping a section of 3rd grade in order to have that teacher replace the 4th grade teacher who resigned. The email said that if no teacher requests to be the one to move, a teacher will be reassigned by the administration. Surprise!

My team (and myself) LOST it. Within seconds of the email, my phone was blowing up with different messages from everyone. We were all freaking out. Honestly, the week before workshop begins you drop this on us. Are you serious? What a way for the new admin to introduce themselves. Oh and like I mentioned before, our principal saw us planning everything yesterday. Why was nothing said?

At this point no one on my team has said anything about taking the spot. The scariest most anxious part of this whole thing is that I’m the newbie. This is only my second year at the school so if no one says they’ll move, the odds are saying it’s me. I’m freaking out. I’ve spent my summer preparing for focusing on reading and finding new things to do. I was so excited to have a year where nothing is new for a change. Granted, it’s only my 3rd year teaching but my first 2 years were in 2 different schools which meant that everything was new both years. I wanted a year where the curriculum was the same so I knew what I was getting myself into. Now….who knows. Honestly, I’m freaking out.

We were told we will find out what will happen Monday afternoon. I’m praying it won’t be me. That sounds selfish but I just want a year that will make me feel like a competent teacher. My only hope is that since the 4 on my team put so much effort into our switches plan (and since the school put together a special schedule just for us) it might not be me. Who knows. All I know is that this weekend will be filled with anxiety instead of relaxation. Not exactly the way I wanted my final weekend of freedom to be.

Self-Care Box

Happy Mon-yayy! I was watching the Today Show this morning and they talked about trying to catch on Mon-yayy since we all get down on those Monday blues. I thought it was a great idea (plus I’m a huge promoter of Fri-yayys so this was just as fun!)

I’ve shared about my mental health a few times now and I posted yesterday about how I’ve been struggling more than ever this summer. Not going to lie, yesterday I was desperate for something new to help me feel better so I turned to my favorite source in the world, Pinterest!! Honestly, I just love Pinterest.

I searched “how to fight depression” looking for any tricks and tips I didn’t already know. (I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING!!) One AMAZING post shared the idea of making a self-care box and I fell in love.

Obviously because we all know teachers are suckers for a good home made project.

I found the idea on a blog post you can find here. On this site they talk about filling your box with items to meet many self-care needs such as physical, sensory, social, spiritual, and emotional.

**Fun side note: If you love wandering around Target for a few hours looking for run secret trinkets, this project is for you!! (and who doesn’t love Target!?) I also included links to most of the things I included in case you’re interested.**

I started by finding a fun gift box and wrapping paper to add my own touch to the outside. I got a fun adult coloring book for one of the categories so of course I had to color a picture to put on the cover of the box! “Today I choose joy.” The perfect mantra to see before opening my box of happiness. On the inside cover of the box I taped a picture of me when I visited Platform 9 and 3/4 at Kingscross Station in London. I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan so it was just another little touch to boost my mood when I open the box.

Okay so now that you see the outside here is my version of each self-care category. Some categories I included many things while others I only included a few…

Physical: 

For my physical self-care I bought different types of facial masks along with a pedicure mask. The blog post shared including yoga videos and bath bombs as well. (I just watch Youtube yoga videos and I’m not the biggest fan of bath bombs.) Basically, anything that can help and heal the body is good physical self-care!

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Sensory: 

This was another category that I didn’t include many items. I’m a very mental person so sensory items don’t do much for me. That being said, I do love a few certain things (mostly that deal with scent.) I got a small flower scented candle to smell when I need to relax. For me, I don’t even need to light a candle for it to work magic in relaxing me. I got some floral scented lotion to help me feel clean and smell good. Finally, I included a little fidget toy. I know these have become big for kids but I do love holding one when I’m feeling anxious. I have a tendency to move my fingers when I’m on edge so I feel more calm when I’m holding one of these.

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Social: 

I tend to get sad as well when I feel alone. To help with this I followed the post by including a list of numbers of people I can call when I need someone to talk to. I also included a pack of thank you cards to thank those in my life who have been there for me. I included those cards to help remind me that I’m not alone and that I do have people who have been there for me before. Finally, I put in a couple of pictures of my closest friends. This is to help me see that I have people I care about and there are people out there who care about me.

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Spiritual: 

I’m not the biggest religious person. I have my beliefs but I’m not overly spiritual. I do believe that you have to believe in something bigger than yourself in order to be content with life. The blog post shared different ideas to help be more spiritual and mindful. I first bought a positive affirmation coloring book with some new fresh colored pencils. Coloring brings me peace and is a form of meditation. I also purchased a gratitude/self-reflection journal. Inside the journal there are some positive quotes along with reflection prompts. I LOVE quotes. A good quote can make my mood shift in a second.

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Emotional: 

This was my biggest category of included items. For this category I wanted to find anything and everything that make me happy. The post recommended including some tissues and affirmation cards. I found a pack of mini tissues with positive sayings on them, so I thought they were perfect. I think it’s important to include the tissues because it says it’s okay to cry. By including these it is a reminder to tell myself letting out my emotions is a good thing. I then found a pack of affirmation cards in the “fun gift” section at Target. I LOVE this small section. If you know what I’m referring to you know it includes so many funny and unique gifts. I then found a pack of different cards and notes I have received in the past from many different people. These are for me to look at and read when I need a little pick me up. I then included a fun little cat poetry book I got as a gag gift for my birthday from my mom. I have a cat and I always love a good pun. Lastly, I included a picture I took of the Eiffel Tower. I LOVE Paris and the Eiffel Tower has always been something that I have been obsessed with. When I was in Paris, I was the happiest I had ever been. This picture is to spark that happiness!

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I think that this is the best project for anyone and everyone to make! Whether you struggle with mental heath or not, it’s always good to practice self-care. Having a box full of things that are directed completely towards that, is perfect for any person. I plan to put this box in my closet until a day that I know I need a pick me up. When another hard day comes, I now have something to help me feel better. The post I got this idea from talked about even having a daily box that you can use/look at for even 5 minutes at a time everyday. I LOVE this idea and I can’t wait to see the difference it’s going to make on my rougher days.

Fighting the Sad

I love summer just as much as any teacher but there are days that I struggle getting through. I’ve shared before that I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a handful of years. I tend to have my bad days when the days are long and empty. Don’t get me wrong, I love not having anything to do but that’s the trigger my mind and body usually needs to spiral.

I’m not going to lie. Today is a hard day for me. Today the depression is winning. All I’ve wanted to do today is sleep and not talk to anyone because I didn’t see the point. It’s crazy how it just comes out of nowhere sometimes. Yesterday was a fun and busy day! I spent time with my family and got to spend the night at a music festival with my best friend. I was so happy yesterday but then today, it was all gone.

Usually when I have bad days it stems from being alone and thinking that I have no hope in having someone who I will get to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve had some pretty bad luck with friends and relationships in the past. I’ve never had a single person in my life who chooses me over others. When I spiral, my thoughts usually go to believing I’ll be alone forever.

I know it sounds crazy and I know it is completely irrational but when that sad parasite takes over, irrational thinking seems totally rational. I’ve been really trying to think of ways to make me feel better and to battle those sad thoughts and days. Some things that I have found that have helped me feel better are meditating and yoga. I also find that just sitting in the sun helps a lot. Things aren’t always that easy though. It’s a day by day learning experience that I’m trying to work through. I just hope these days are fewer and fewer as the summer goes on.

This is me.

I’ve officially been on summer break for 5 days now and I’m finally getting caught up on my sleep! That has been the one thing I have been looking forward to the most that is for sure!! I figured since I haven’t had anything school related going on, I should write a little about myself to fully and finally share with all of you who I am. Whether it’s 100 people who read this or 0, I thought it would be good to share with you my story.

My name is Lisa, I’m 24 years old, and I am from Minnesota, born and raised. (I know I have made many references and posts about that before but just in case it wasn’t that obvious…) I grew up the next town over from where I am currently teaching. I had the opportunity to attend elementary school at the same place my mom worked at. At the time, she was a 3rd grade teacher as well. When I was in 3rd grade, I got to have my mom as my math and spelling teacher. I loved it! As I’ve said before, my mom is the main reason I wanted to become a teacher. Growing up she was also my track and field coach and my cross country coach. She was, and still is, my idol. Because of spending so much time together, we became super close.

With my mom, I grew up with my dad and my sister Lea all in the same house. We were a close small family of 4. I had the best childhood growing up. Family was always number 1 for my parents so we spent a lot of time together. My dad was an activities coordinator at the local jail for the next county over. Growing up all I knew was that he worked in a jail, it took years for me to actually understand what he did. When I was 13 he had an accident that shook our whole world. From the accident we discovered that he had a disease called Myasthenia Gravis (MG) which shuts down his immune system and deteriorates his muscles. Because of his diagnosis, he was put on disability leave from his job. This summer will be 11 years he has been out of work and “retired.” That was hard for us to handle but in the long run it made us stronger.

My little sister Lea is 20 years old. She has had her own struggles as well. I’ve posted about this before in my National Eating Disorder Awareness post, but when she was 15 she was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. She has struggled with this for almost 6 years now. As a family we had our own ups and downs understanding her struggle and adjusting to get her the help she needed. She is a HUGE part of my life, I love her more than anything else in the world. She is my best friend and in a weird way, I’ve always considered her to be my own child.

Between my dad and my sister, my life has been shaken up many times. I’ve had to understand that even in the most stable and loving households, terrible things can still happen. I’ve struggled understanding this, however. I have gone through my own rounds of depression. I struggled for most of my college years understanding my family while also trying to find myself. It was the hardest 4 years of my life.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have had issues with mental health and ideas of self harm. Through everything that has happened, I have also dealt with the loss of family members, friendships, and relationships. All of those had an impact on my struggle. When I was a junior in college the second boy who had ever shown an interest in me, ended things and I was not okay. I got very upset and tried to do things to myself that I wish I wouldn’t have tried. But I realized my struggle and sought the help I needed. After many MANY discussions with friends and family I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and have been on antidepressants ever since.

I did okay for a few years and then my world became a mess and I went through the same cycle again. I had many highs around the time I turned 22. I graduated from college and gotten my dream job. I also found someone who I thought I had a big connection with and lost my virginity to him. It was a big deal. A few short weeks later though, I found out that boy didn’t feel the same way about me and I was not strong enough to handle that. I made the choice to be intimate with a person I adored and then I found out it wasn’t a mutual feeling. I struggled that summer with dealing with that event on top of getting ready for my first year of teaching. I was so thrown off by a boy that I couldn’t even enjoy my first few months of teaching ever. It got to the point that I threatened to end it all. I’m not proud of myself for those dark days and moments but they did happen and got me to the point I am at now. I did and said things I never should have said and almost lost the best friend I ever had by doing it. The boy was my best friend and I almost ruined that relationship by trying to manipulate him into wanting to be with me. It took many months but we worked through it and he helped me get the help I needed.

Besides that, my first year teaching was amazing but stressful (as all of you teachers know.) This also took a tole on my body. Summer 2018 came and I knew I needed to make a change in myself because I was tired of feeling so stressed, anxious, depressed, and tired all the time. This was when I discovered therapy. My doctor originally had advised going to talk to someone when I was first diagnosed but I was too afraid and ashamed. I finally took the step 3 years later and it has been a life saver.

I have been going to therapy for one whole year now to work on my anxiety and depressive tendencies. It has helped me accept who I am and has taught me how to cope when things get to be too much for me. It has also gotten me to start writing on here and to find joy in my life. I still struggle from time to time when things at home or at school are over the top but now I have ways to work through it.

I never wanted to share my personal life on here before because I don’t like talking about myself and I wanted to keep my page light but I thought it was about time for me to open up to anyone who decides to read what I write. I also wanted to share my story so anyone who has struggled with the same things can see that there is hope and ways to work through it. I would love to hear any other stories from those of you who have found peace and joy and who have advice for someone like me who still needs reminders every now and then. Struggling with mental health is not something to be ashamed of. It is something that needs to be shared and talked about to help others.

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So that’s me. I know this is not a normal post but I think it is fair to anyone who reads my blog to know the true me. Thank you for keeping up with me these past 6 months. I hope to continue to share about my life inside and outside of the classroom. I have some new blog ideas that I want to share this summer. They may or may not be school related but I think it’s time to add a bit more flavor to my topics.