Fighting the Sad

I love summer just as much as any teacher but there are days that I struggle getting through. I’ve shared before that I have dealt with depression and anxiety for a handful of years. I tend to have my bad days when the days are long and empty. Don’t get me wrong, I love not having anything to do but that’s the trigger my mind and body usually needs to spiral.

I’m not going to lie. Today is a hard day for me. Today the depression is winning. All I’ve wanted to do today is sleep and not talk to anyone because I didn’t see the point. It’s crazy how it just comes out of nowhere sometimes. Yesterday was a fun and busy day! I spent time with my family and got to spend the night at a music festival with my best friend. I was so happy yesterday but then today, it was all gone.

Usually when I have bad days it stems from being alone and thinking that I have no hope in having someone who I will get to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve had some pretty bad luck with friends and relationships in the past. I’ve never had a single person in my life who chooses me over others. When I spiral, my thoughts usually go to believing I’ll be alone forever.

I know it sounds crazy and I know it is completely irrational but when that sad parasite takes over, irrational thinking seems totally rational. I’ve been really trying to think of ways to make me feel better and to battle those sad thoughts and days. Some things that I have found that have helped me feel better are meditating and yoga. I also find that just sitting in the sun helps a lot. Things aren’t always that easy though. It’s a day by day learning experience that I’m trying to work through. I just hope these days are fewer and fewer as the summer goes on.